Sunday, August 5, 2012

In To In-Law

The only thing that never stays static in the universe is life. Even if you feel all the days are alike with same routines, a close observation will let you know the difference in each moment. I am a person who always loves to cherish memories. Many times I do activities just because I can count it as one of my most wonderful memoirs later on.

When it comes to life, recollections will remain in our minds unless you suffer from dementia. Even then there are some incidences that may not vanish from the minds. My grandma who died 4 years back after struggling with Alzheimer’s disease used to speak about her childhood, schooling and peculiarities of her own house. Her narration in spite of the memory loss was a matter of amusement for her children and grandchildren including me. Later when I analyzed the fact, I could conclude that she had to give up her role as a girl in her early days of teenage after marriage and was forced to transform herself into a perfect housewife. She really missed her childhood and the only treasure she had from her home was a bunch of nostalgic memories.

Another shocking incident which I faced a few days back is when one of my friend’s husband called me just to confirm that I am a female. It seems he used to check her mobile and the SMS inbox. Once when he found my forward messages, he called me to make sure I am not her boy friend. Moreover he did not like her friendship with me because I belong to another religion. Although this may sound funny to read, it is a very serious issue. At least in today’s world no one will choose friends based on gender or religion. Friendship and love has clear borders. Those husbands who believe all the men their wives interact with are/were their boyfriends should be called fools.

I studied my graduation in a mixed college in a rural area where there was no difference or restriction in interacting with other gender. None of the teachers or parents was suspicious. In fact I feel the freedom given there made me feel both men and women can be good friends. I did my post graduation in a very famous university in India. However there were so many limitations in communication which I consider as real stupidity. Even talking to your brother is treated as sin! So my friend about whom I spoke in the previous paragraph studied with me in graduation. Days of friendship were so colorful there.

Today I cannot talk to her just because she is married. Losing a very close friend is a tough thing. Though I have many other friends to interact, the thoughts about her life make me sick. She is a fun loving girl (or should I call her a lady now!) who talk to all human beings. Bear all the pain for a contented marriage life is what is taught in India! Now she has to make herself a silent creature for the sake of a pleasant family life.

Image Courtesy: Sarath

In our country, majority of the girls have to give up many of their dearest things after her marriage. A home where she was cared a lot by her parents, siblings and other family members… Her dolls, teddies, gardens and little gifts from her friends! She adopts your family and calls your parents as hers without hesitation.

Marriage doesn’t give you the right to own your wife. She might have a lovely family, a colorful gang of friends and a few wonderful memories which you can never erase from her mind. Your image in her mind will be that of a villain if you try to restrict her individuality with your brainless rules and doubts. Such reminiscence should be valued and cared. Only then there is a point in your identity as a human!

My friend’s case was a strong blow for me which made me write again!

There is no need to read this in a feminist angle as I know a few men

Who also go through the same situation.


  1. lol u didn't think of it while seeing me everyday eh stupid female.. but i so very well know what u meant... god bless the soul of those stupid men and help us find the right guy who are not really stupid :D

    1. Thanks for the comment Meenz...
      Your case is entirely different! Here there is an involvement of religion too!

  2. it hurts when i read this post... i too have a friend who stopped calling or messaging just because her engagement happened... don't know what to say about these things. itz really rubbish.. just because of a marriage a new relation should a girl forget her dreams,her memories?? i too swear its not in a feminist attitude...
    nd yaa glad to see you back... love to read u keep writing :)

    1. Thanks Anjali :)
      Females are supposed to start a new life after the marriage which includes forgetting their dear friends.. However past cannot be erased from the minds. There are a few men also who suffer the same. Still females are the highest in number!

    2. datz true... but even in this 21st century, where we praise of equality these types of incidents happen among the most educated families. datz really strange...

  3. a different thought..well structured..but may be stray incidents in todays world as i see..u made a valid point of girls giving away precious things in der life after marriage...true to an extend..but don't generalize...reading gives that prick somewhere..well done roopa..

    1. Thanks for the suggestion...
      Yeah I know there are people like you who give absolute freedom to your partner :)

  4. u r absolutely true dear but it really hurts to say that society feels that women ll be more contented if they are married but they never think in other way